how can deceive oneself

High school era when the field one is leather is over. I helplessly see him go out of my sight.  
He, even to meet again without saying to me that left. His college entrance examination achievement was really unsatisfactory that year, let concern his teachers and relatives shocked. Everyone think he can reply, read, but he justice have, return to, move taking care of. The secondary rainbow says to me, sweet-smelling girl, he is afraid of replying and reading the study that will influence me a little disconsolately but a little gratifiedly in the higher primary school, he is afraid of delaying me!  
She also really has the face to say. If not fall in love wholeheartedly, a cover only has 1/10 of the energy to put in study in the clever field, can admit to pieces of national focal point at least too, how could admit to one have junior college of reputation very much only? This sentence has a little vicious not to speak by me, but is identical view of the teachers and students of the whole school. Sacrificing a cover in the field of future for the love becomes the typical negative example which serves as a lesson, a lot of teachers take his calf love example and educate students. Our form master is no exception, enter Senior Three, do a good job of the students' thought as soon as possible even more, talk to secondary rainbow of higher primary school many times, tell her present form, love and study whose serious major principle who be light on earth. For example " the university which he takes part in the entrance exam of is so general, you can not be together either in the future. Forget he as soon as possible, put into, study, go in the middle, try, do in the test pieces of kind school. " In that case, see class have field rolls of leather letter can say to her once on the mailbox nearly.  
The secondary rainbow all nod each time and is called, exert oneself and pursue strongly more and more as expected, pass college entrance examination smoothly in the higher primary schools, have gone to a house of very good science and engineering universities and colleges of Dalian.  
I have asked a leather mailing address in fields of secondary rainbow of higher primary school, I say I want to write to my brother. Higher primary school secondary rainbow say you brother allow me say he afraid you divert one's attention, you we school one hundred people kind student that roll come out at the top. Do I say, has not my brother carried me in letter? She says whether have not had, does not really have.  
Not on.  
Have not tormented people even more than having.  
In the whole year of Senior Three I am guessing earnestly, carried me in a leather letter on earth. Even on the day of college entrance examination, while conceiving the composition of the examination paper of Chinese, this question jumps into the brain at the same time too. Do not know what things in a mess the composition has been written on earth even oneself later.  
I always with excellent composition, but college entrance examination composition has got 1 fen.  
Dueing to all sorts of accidental mishaps, I that do not have calf love to be, have swallowed the evil consequence of the calf love too.  
I have not replied reading either. Leave the high school early, perhaps will forget the high school early, forget a cover in the field, forget all memory related to adolescence.  
But a cover in the field is still the world that could not totally go out of me.  
As I begin first love in the university formally, love rock with one, rebellious boy likes sticking to each other like glue or lacquer the personality half dead and half alive, while even beginning to cohabit, I fail to forget him too. The boyfriend that I often take me compares with a skin of field, though know perfectly well two people can not compare at all, relatively there emerged a any result too.  
My boyfriend has never perceived, when the person of I is at his side, the heart was out unexpectedly. I vie for, come over him bare-knuckled from another girl's hand, his my love to him correctly, quite sure. He can guess, arrive forever, I afford to rack one's brains by hook or by crook, because subconscious have one say, clean the street clear complex just: Can I get field rolls of skin from secondary rainbow's of higher primary school hand, either get fight Zhu from a girl's hand nowadays originally?  
Oh yes, my boyfriend, call the bright red fight.  
At this moment, he does not know whether to sleep. Whether it is that one is smoking connecting one, is it difficult to toss and turn and fall asleep?    
The paradise is guilty '  Ten)    
Fight Zhu one outstanding man too, proud man.  
The bright red fight is a pitiful man.  
I do not know what struggle of agony he passes, can agree to me and want to see a leather requirement in the field. I know to it promises to be because magnanimous he, and really, have no way out only.  
More magnanimous man, will not helplessly see one's own girlfriend and another man take for ambiguous night either, but the room coming into and reviewing friendship in one is unmoved.  
The thing of meeting a cover in the field, actually, I can have deceived him.  
But I, how can deceive oneself?